FIVE THINGS LISTS
5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT REASONS FLORIDA SHOULD HAVE MEDICAL MARIJUANA
5. I’m sorry, what was the title of this list again?
4. Right, right, medical marijuana. We should totally get that.
3. Who could go for some macaroni and cheese?
2. I totally forgot what number we’re on.
1. Wow, is it over? I like, missed the whole thing.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LEAST SCARY HORROR MOVIES
5. I Know What You Did Last Sunday.
4. Village of the Darned
3. Friday the 15th, Jason Gets Paid
2. Night of the Grateful Dead
1. The Texas Chainsaw Manicure
Five Things you Need to Know About Child Car Seats to Stay Away From:
5. Playschool’s “Li’L Whippersnapper”
4. Cosco’s “Baby Boomerang”
3. Fisher Price’s “RugRat Rocket”
2. Hasbro’s “Small Fry Flinger”
1. Graco’s “Kiddie Kapult”
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PET PEEVES OF WITCHES
5. It sucks when someone drops a house on your sister
4. Hate it when Larry Tate makes Darren entertain the clients at home.
3. Wouldn’t you know it, eye of newt goes on sale just after you stock up!
2. Actually very good swimmers, but panic under pressure when tested.
1. Thanks to the super-sexy outfit, Genies end up with all the really good-looking guys.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SIGNS IT’S FALL IN NORTH CENTRAL FLORIDA
5. Festive Orange Barrels start appearing on Baseline Road
4. Sometimes you have to feel around in the pile of leaves to find your Vespa
3. The old lady in the car with the Iowa plates in front of you just threw it in reverse and is coming back at you.
2. The first appearance of turtle-neck tank tops.
1. The squirrels in Payne’s Prairie are blowing on their nuts.
FIVE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
PET PEEVES OF ZOMBIES
5. Going to be blamed for resurrecting Woody Harrelson’s Career.
4. Had nothing to do with 1968 hit “Time of the Season”, so stop asking.
3. Even after a long day, it’s redundant to suggest that your “Dead on your feet”.
2. Shambling walk really murder on new shoes.
1. Tried out of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. Didn’t get it.
5 THINGS SIGNS YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM IS NO DAMN GOOD
5. Their pre-game diet consists of pudding and wine.
4. Nickname: “The Fighting Dust Bunnies”
3. Their battle cry is “Not in the face!”
2. They just noticed they’ve been playing all season with only ten men on offense.
1. They’re the Florida State Seminoles.
The sun will come up tomorrow...
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